Pass/Fail

Sitting here conflicted

Because I might be addicted

To something I’ve never seen before

Praise like I’m someone to adore

It comes in waves

Spins me in circles like a lathe

But it’s hard to believe it

When you yourself don’t see it

I’m a failure right, that’s what the numbers say

I can’t be bright, it’s my aid they took away

But then I remember what I’ve heard

And I’m back soaring like a bird

So now I’m stuck in this mental plight

Trying to find out who’s wrong and who’s right

It can’t be both, you can’t play both sides

You shine like a phoenix or shrivel and hide

That’s what I was taught, what I thought

Just a little bad outdoes an excellent a lot

I’m a failure because I had a hard time

Moved away from all I knew, went in blind

Lost people I loved and had to keep going

Dying inside but it’s the outside I’m showing

I made it through that but it didn’t matter

It’s the letters and numbers that ID the batter

So it’s not a game of survival but of faking it

The kindness I’ve felt makes me think I’m making it

But a smile on my face won’t satisfy them

Want to twist me off like a flower from the stem

Encouraged and discouraged, what do I do

When I can’t find the words to say to you

I don’t know if you can forgive and forget

Or if now you’ll strand me with this debt

Am I out of straws to pull from your hand

Are you fed up with me or will you understand

Because I feel so alone in the world I’ve made

Will I wish you’d never come and I had stayed

Where people care about me and say I’m worth it

Not where I bury my feelings and never unearth it

Pretend everything’s okay because it’s paid

While I live on as a sentient pity parade

Hope I can speak up, hope I can forgive myself

So I can move on and see what comes from this new health

Want to see the other side where the grass is greener

Meet my kinder side, leave behind the meaner

Don’t know if it’s over, if this is the end of my road

But I know that I’ll always have what I have been told